PMS + Slow Carb = Epic Fail

     I just wanted to provide with you, my readers, a quick little snip-it about me. Ummm...I'm taking this week to reevaluate the Slow Carb diet. Yes, it works; yes, it's strickt; yes, I get to have fun on Saturdays; but, I just need some time to get back on the horse. I really was excited about taking bathing suit pictures because there was about a day when I was completely rockin' it. I was loving every mirror in my house, which is saying a lot because we have a ton of mirrors. There are multiple opportunities in a day where I can check myself or cringe, and believe you me, I was checkin' out my goods.

     But guess what that day was? That was the one and only day of every second month that I am not PMSing. I swear, I was born to be the slave of my own hormones. There is literally only one day in a blue moon where I am pleasant from start to finish, and that day is usually almost over by the time my husband and I realize that day was had. So, yeah, no bathing suit pics until that day rolls around again. I'm over this whole PMSing bit, and so is my husband. It's bad y'all, and I really try to get my husband to understand that I can't help it. Do you ever just wake up pissed off? I mean, right off the bat, don't touch me, everything sucks pissed off! You know what's funny about that question? Everyone who just answered "Preach it, sister" to that question is female. I wish the men could experience for one day what we experience every month. I love their argument, too, "Well, you girls don't know how bad it hurts to get hit down there." No, no we don't, but we do know what it's like to have the inner lining of our uterus ripped from our insides and pulsed out of us in a slow, soul damaging process EVERY SINGLE MONTH!!!! Here are the things I would like for men to endure:

Lower back cramps
Dull lower tummy cramps that constantly remind them that the inside organs are not happy
Tender boobage
Shrek feet
Shrek hands
Explosive under the skin tender as all get out invisible blemishes
Hot flash that could cause stripping in public
Bleeding solids
Finding out the tampon box that has been under the sink all month has actually been empty the whole time
Walking down the street to experience out of nowhere a knife stabbing pain shooting straight up the abdomen forcing them to stop on their tippy toes and squirm until the pain subsides
Irrational paranoid driven thoughts that make them think they have no purpose but to eat food
Emotional outburst brought on by anything with round eyes or fluffy fur
Trying to wear a weeks worth of outfits that do not have waist bands
Having to go to the bathroom "just to check" that there are no accidents...in our 30s!!!!
An extreme detest for anyone who is ten pounds lighter than they are
Having to stop murdering anyone at any given time for any given reason

Can you tell that today is not that beautiful day my husband and I look forward to? Women are amazing. There's something to be said about a species that can bleed for seven days and not die. Anyway...I'm taking this week to gain control of myself. Seriously, this was the food purchased for a weekend trip to the beach...for two people!! Okay, just one, because my husband was born with self control.

    WHO DOES THAT??? I never ate like that in my life!!! And do you know how much of that came back with us??? Close to none because I ate it all. That's the problem with this diet. I literally go mad, like certifiably insane and overdo it when I'm near food. I eat until I hurt, and that's just not the way a healthy diet should go. Again, I need to gain control.

     I know I'm doing the typical "Abigail isn't following through on her word" bit, but are you understanding the above picture??? Next week is a new week, a week that is void of all the junk on the counter and hopefully the junk in the trunk!